Metallica, the Meltdown in Delhi

Photo Courtesy: Zabeeh Afaque/ Hindustan Times

Writer's Note: This piece comes more than two weeks too late following the cancellation of Metallica concert in Gurgaon, Haryana (India). 

There is an uncanny resemblance between the flow of music and material goods from the hierarchy of the First World to the Third. Sarojini Nagar Market & the Western Music scene in India are two cases in point. Both sell market rejects.

Bear with me oh self proclaimed metal head (with the claim of knowing all discographies; also easily available in Wikipedia), for I have nothing against metal and certainly am a bigger junkie for shopping outside of showrooms. But it does eat away at my soul when mostly the ‘Has Beens’ of the music industry come and ‘grace’ us with their presence. When Prodigy successfully performed in Gurgaon earlier this year, I was just puzzled why a Coldplay, System of a Down or an Adele won’t play in town. Furthermore, I was bewildered by the number of “dedicated” Prodigy fans that cropped up as if they all decided to come out of the closet after all these years once the show was announced.

They say it takes 10 years for masses in India to catch up with international music acts and in another ten, once the act wears off from the contemporary scene of the Billboards and the Grammys, its time to relive their past glory in the land of ashrams, spirituality and suckers who call music by Aqua evergreen.

Now I won’t go into some fourfold analysis into why and how the concert was a success in Bangalore, known to host more and better rock acts than the NCR region ever has. For a deeper analysis on the factors that failed in Delhi, you may like to refer to Abhiroop Datta’s, a disgruntled yet hopeful fan, detailed account of the event, pre and post.

Sanya Rai Gupta, who attended the shows in both cities, said, “I felt that the Bangalore gig was way more organized, in terms of the waiting time, the crowds and the timing. Metallica played for about two hours, and there was a short gap between when they started playing and the opening bands stopped...but the crowds were pretty enthusiastic and patient.” Yet, no one can assume with confidence if the audience in Bangalore would have reacted the same, if the management had subjected them to the same debacle that Delhiites faced.  

There have been multiple observations and commentaries on the mobs and the vandalism, some sympathizing with their frustration, others delineating via dialects how they were, in fact, not from around town. Amongst all the arguments in the debate whether it was the management versus the crowd to be blamed or the Delhi against Bangalore rock culture, the words of Blogger Rahul Sarin most strongly agreed with me, when he said:

You on the other hand, dear band members, were sitting in your hotel room, comfortably. You did not have the courtesy to apologize to your fans. Your crew treated the audience like dogs by hurling abuses at them and insulting them. Had this been USA, UK or any other nation for that matter, you’d have not dare messed with the audience by way of insults. 

Given my apparent prejudice towards Delhiites, the failure of a Metallica concert turning into mob madness would have normally amused the sadist in me. However, in the spirit of justice and value for entertainment, I personally (despite my physical absence from the scene) felt ragged by the unapologetic attitude of the management, the band and the crew. Media reports claimed that the band refused to play out of concern for the safety and security of the audience. Accepted but in a better PR exercise, they should have issued a more consolatory press statement and reached out to their fans via Twitter. Lady Gaga, another visiting artist in India for the Formula 1, does not have the largest Twitter followers for no reason!

Photo Courtesy: Zabeeh Afaque/ Hindustan Times

We no longer inhabit a world where artists, celebrities or even the Government can maintain a snooty distance from the public and remain inaccessible to their fans. Thanks to Social Media, Jasmine revolution for democracy in the Middle East and rising fuel prices, voices don’t just come out in small circles but explode in the World Wide Web.

The NCR region has held many events on a much larger scale than any other metro in the country combined. The Metallica mishap came in an unfortunate series of events that is more of an isolated incident than routine and the culprits have been brought to task. True that such follies being committed in a Pandit Ravi Shankar concert or a ‘Daler Mehendi Live’ is less imaginable and a band like Metallica is but once in a lifetime opportunity. For all such reasons, the sentiments of the crowd are more understandable than the excuses made by the management.    

*All images are under the copyright ownership of Zabeeh Afaque. 

Ragini MMS (2011)

An ode to the guy I go to for an update and a better (funnier) insight on the genre of Horror movies, M'hael.

"Despite the repeated jump scares and the less than impressive CGI, this movie does somewhat pull Indian Horror outta the ol' rut" 

Sub-Genre: Horror, Supernatural/Haunted House

Cast Members of Note: Kainaz Motivala (Wake Up Sid), Raj Kumar Yadav (Love, Sex Aur Dhoka) 

What's it About? - A couple go out of town for a 'dirty' weekend (quite presumably) to a lonely, deserted house only to realize their little party will soon be thrashed by the spirit of a Marathi woman (who looked much like the stereotype of a Bombay Bai), accused of witchcraft and killed (assuming years back!) by neighbours (or was it family?) who believed she killed her own children. 

Also, what Ragini doesn't know is that the house is set up with cameras everywhere including the bathrooms (where the cameras would blur her nether regions) and some dingy rooms where only action one can capture is rodents going anal on each other. 

All you get is prolonged first base. Yes, even them rodents do it hotter. Wonder why the Censor Board rated it A?

After a few teasers, jump scares and Ragini's uninvited friends dropping in & also teasing the audience, followed a whole lot more teasers and jump scares. Even as Ragini and deutche bag boyfriend get down to "business" (For the BF, making both 'love' & 'quick cash'), they don't go as far as even groping each other, forget any clothes coming off. And no no, the ghost ain't to be blamed. If you can't get beyond first base in 10 mins and are still playing coy with the camera, well your prude ass deserves to be scared the shit out of. 

Tsk...pussy! The BF i.e.! 

*SPOILER ALERT* 

The Good - Pawan Kripalani didn't do a ham of a job with this one. He kept the audiences on the edge of their seats. Well he kept me on the edge of my palm covering my face. But then again, I scare too easily but get disturbed with that much more difficulty. There were some remarkable moments of creep when BF suddenly and randomly speaks in Marathi saying, "I am not a witch". It wasn't even a moment that was taken very seriously by the gf or the audience but had an insidious effect in setting the platform for the 'scare'. Although, the Marathi rambling of the spirit got a li'l too repetitive and comical eventually, the idea of a spirit rambling in regional language was quite clever and the words were deathly too. The actors have been highly praised for convincingly playing their parts and I wouldn't disagree too much. They were also quite unflinching in the exhibition of their sexual prowess, which is still very rare for Indian actors but for the old farts in the censor board and their 16th century concept of shame in sexuality.

The Bad - Although the movie was a 'thrilling' experience of sorts for me, there were no take aways. There was so much more that the spirit could have done other than ramble Marathi, slap, move stuffs and nonsensically kill people. Indians have a long way to go with special effects amongst many other things. Since the spirit was a old Marathi woman, they could have had make up do more justice to her gory appearance than a CGI blur, which would have worked better if it was the spirit of a younger, well toned woman.
                         Special effects aside Indian writers need to start being a little bit more imaginative than the tried, tested and even loved formula of 'purani haveli', 'chudail' and all such familiar keywords. Granted this movie was a first of its kind and wasn't as terrible as potentially anticipated by me but reinventing the wheel (read, Paranormal Activity, The Blair Witch Project) gets you no brownie points for originality, even though we're just habituated to rehashed stuffs now.

My friend Neha, who unlike me, was laughing her head off at the jump scares said, "My only takeaway from Ragini  MMS is to never let a guy handcuff me" 

The Downright Horrendous - Masochist Ms. Kapoor wanted to ensure the script had every opportune moment of a BC/MC expletive. And as parochial and imaginative she is, decided to draw up a character of an abusive and disrespectful boyfriend who, of course, trapped innocent li'l Ragini into his pyaar ka jaal (Now I know how it feels like to write for Delhi Times). Essentially, there isn't much of a difference between her soaps and movies only she gets to release a lot more libido in the latter, which is only as much as a finger bath for me. 

The Gory - Again, so much scope for gore that was wasted because make up artists couldn't have done convincing jobs and a CGI would have just looked shoddy. The part when Ragini slits her wrist to lose free from the cuffs was good but then again she didn't go as far as amputating herself, which could have added gore substance to the movie. Imagine if she had only one hand to carry the cam with the other bleeding out. Yes, I'm sick but apparently that's what it takes to write good horror scripts.

The Naked - If the lack of boink boink in the movie will dissappoint you, you'd probably want to ask for at least half your money back since only as much as bra straps were coyly flashed for 2 seconds and tank top on! Dirty weekend indeed...spent on watching this movie! 

What did we learn ? Again, don't let anyone handcuff you in a creepy ol' house in the middle of nowhere. This can't go the right way even without a supernatural presence. 

Also, if you're a South Bombay/Delhi bred, there are more varieties of bad boys out there than the "West Delhi, 'Jat Boy' sticker on the car shield" kinds. 

Makepeace says: B-

                              The B for trumping over the contemporary history of bad Hindi horror movies like Vaastu Shastra, Hawa, Bhoot or even the competition, Haunted 3D and its attempt to be creepy. The negative marking for still repeating the same ol' mistakes and for the nth time I will say it, the friggin' jump scares. Its not a good horror movie if I didn't see most of the scenes because of my neuro-biological defence mechanism towards loud thuds and 'here and gone' appearances. 

Final Thoughts: (forced by practise and tradition)

Hot?