Old school bases

Its true (and apt here) what this columnist named Anna Strongin has honestly admitted in her article,

"For whatever reason, when I’m trying to avoid studying I frequently find that my mind trails to the subject of sex."

Now whenever I'm on vacation (which is pretty much 'routine' for someone who's still a student), I usually plan my time in a way that I spend it most productively. Not that I resent or repent this attitude for its got me a lion's share of experience in the field, yet i truly and utterly never had a mental vacation. This season i'm having my first and yes, i'm absolutely loving it. Yet, my traditional need for productivity, my only excuse of my neuroticism, still needs to be sublimated, channelized.

And while I usually fantasize all the REALLY dirty stuffs, surprising to my inherently unromantic nature i found myself romanticizing those small yet significant gestures that we participate, unfortunately, only in the commencement of our new found love.

It is my earnest effort to bring focus (through my writings and other postings) to the less spoken about or heard of. And I don't suppose "getting to first base" is anything to glorify to your peers or co-workers yet we all know how wide is the gap between social displays and intimate reality.


'Holding hands'

Ahhh...the chill that runs down your spine when that special other just slips his useful hand (especially if that is his working hand!)into yours as a full and final acknowledgement of his feelings to you and as an acclamation that there's nothing better he'd like to do with it (although it shouldn't be because he has nothing better to do).

'Playing footsies'

Yes, its absolutely 6th grade level romance yet it has this infantile charm of innocence with a slight bit of a Devil's streak. Sure 'adult' style, you can take your foot far upwards to base 3 ;)

'Cuddling'

This is my personal favourite which is why I like my men big and soft :). But it expanses into various kinds in different settings and situations. The suggestion may seem fluffy yet creates an intense emotional orgasm. So whether in the car seat, naked in bed, on the sofa while watching your favourites or just even looking out the window or next to the fireplace, its a total tenner. But avoid getting too comfortable in a restaurant or a party.

'Soft kisses'

Keyword: SOFT! Because the agitated ones swiftly and directly lead to sex. Not that those are undesirable but simply not the point of this piece :)
Interestingly there's something called a kissing sex, a union only of the lips and tongue and take it from me, it is more than satiating! :P

'Hickies a.k.a. love bites'

The first trademarks of sexual liberty and our naive stamp of love. I have to say, though, more than anything we derive a sense of social pride from it. Either way, its fun to leave evidences of the moments of the night/day before.


'Dancing' (...in the moonlight, ideally I suppose)

Yes, more than anything, its a purely romantic gesture. But then we all have seen or at least heard more than enough about 'Dirty Dancing'. Taking dancing classes together is God awful romantic without question and a healthy way of spending that 'quality time' couples' counsellors endlessly rave about. My simple suggestion would be to just set your itunes to 'Flightless bird American mouth' by Iron & Wine and float away in each others' arms.


'Hand jobs'

Somehow hand jobs alone aren't given much credit. Its another one of those ol' naughty ways of passionate lovers to do each other, minus the hassle of getting naked or on each top of each other. Its thrilling to have a private time discrete from public knowledge and speaks volume of the understanding and chemistry between the two.
This may sound too forward to be added to such a descriptive directory of sweet "nothings" but eventually we all like to move (if only slowly) towards our destinations, although it not being the ultimate point of it all.

I have consciously evaded 'serenading under the sky' in the list as i'm not a personal fan. Nothing more touching than someone dedicating a number to you and hitting it in the best chords they can. However, it has an equal potential to turn out corny or plain crappy. Besides, its also more of a courtship gesture of a more one sided effort to please the other. In my own opinion, the worst from the Victorian ages.

I hope to have rekindled memories and the tingling joy of these gestures that in social science has been reduced to 'first base' of sexual intimacy. But sex is just an overrated experience if the built up to intimacy, that lays the foundation of a psychological even spiritual connection, is underrated.

"Being Indian is my comfort zone"

A couple of eventful days back, my professor in class (who also happens to be my thesis advisor), in preparing for a presentation in a forthcoming international conference, threw at us a very rhetorical question, or so I label it.

"Tell me, what does it mean to be an Indian? What are the things that represent India? What comes to your mind, an image or a thought, instantly in relation to the word?"

As rhetorical as many questions are, that come up in our lectures and discussions, we also are as proportionally an automated lot. A very few pertinent answers came, like this one that commented on an Indian's heightened respect for fulfilling obligations, but a lot more stereotypical answers came forward, which was less to my surprise and more to my disappointment.

I suppose we resent it so much when foreigners (mostly we think WHITES!) assume we still go get our milk on our pet elephants, however, we can't conjure anything more original than the typical Doordarshan images (think, paddy fields and a sun beater farmer) that we would strongly, or should we say more "traditionally", identify India with.

In my mind, my instantaneous response to the question was the façade of a mystic that India is often mistaken with (yes, I realize strong words) i.e. typical with a snake charmer while we are just as, if not more, business minded as any other cultures' day light robbers can be. As much as I still stick to the honesty and truth of this opinion, I do refrain from saying only this. Two reasons why.

a, I'm aware of my overbearing cynical tendency. b, it's never the whole truth if you haven't explored within, right?

So, I did the latter. And came to be realizing exactly what the title of this post is. How? Because when I thought of an alternative to the previous rhetoric (and I wasn't necessarily making an effort to be relatively positive), what then came to mind was a wide encompassing term, "confluence of cultures".

One of the only few well expressed opinions that came in the class was, "the sense of being an outsider in one's own country is unique to us".

The only way I could hit the right note with this rhetoric was by taking it from a personal angle because, (again, the points that follow!)

- no competing culture of the globalized world today is unadulterated.

- And India is not home to any one homogeneous culture, in addition to the much well known fact that it is inhabited by many varieties.

- one can hardly or even objectively speak of something which he is still a part of.

So adopting the rhetoric to my personal life, it, to my delightful surprise, created a hardwood bridge for my web of otherwise disconnected realities. Not being able to define where you come from or where your loyalties lie, is certainly not an envied position. Not being able to wholly identify with your family nor friends, who often belong to different backgrounds, can be quite challenging in defending your position and a lot of times, not being able to justifiably do so.

Herein I owe it to the broad generality of the term 'India' that cannot specify to mean any one thing. Even if it is alternatively called Hindustan which is to suggest it is the land of the Hindus, given the fact they are the majority, there are enough opportunities to punch holes in this definition too. And as much as I crib, and I'm not alone to, a lot about how unkindly one can be treated like a stranger or a hostile intruder, I know that psychologically as well as in physical reality, I was born an Indian and this is where my loyalties lie, with the fair amount of directed critique yet undeniable love.

Thus, being Indian is my safety net, my comfort zone.

Birthday blog - Lost and unfounded

You know that rhetorically stupid question, "So how does it feel to be 18 or 21 or 30?"

And while you're really wondering if you're supposed to be feeling something, you reply in all pomp, "Great!".

This time, however, I actually felt something. 'Different' is the closest I can come to while describing my wandering soul in my own world and the world I inhibit. I don't have any straightforward answers but only more questions. Sometimes, I don't have answers at all.

As part of my agenda with this blog (not that you really need one), I thought of reflecting on some important aspects of my life, perhaps, to see how far I have gotten to achieving my goals and more importantly, how content am I with where I am.

Body/image perception:- I'd like to begin with saying that the world is very cruel on this regard. It certainly has ways of manipulating you into seeing things from their eyes, neglecting the novelty of your own. The world has sort of touted me as a late bloomer on this aspect with my "feminity" only beginning now to start the circle (yeah, its still not taken full circle). Despite being well aware of what the world expected me to look like, I'm not making any conscious efforts now to "fit in". My evolution is absolutely my choice in the socialization of what best suits me. My well rounded figure, gigantic appearance (especially from behind) and once-in-a-while awkward face is part and parcel of a beauty, that does not come in glossy pages. At the risk of sounding narcissistic, I have never felt more beautiful!

Achievement:- I've never been an all-star kid. For that matter, I'm the jack of only some trades. Being an average Joe, however, is no excuse to aim low and I'm a living example of it. Perhaps its ambition more than brilliance that gets you places. And like any prodigy or dork, I've had my share of wonderful highs and humiliating lows. I don't know exactly at what point does a career begin but I can smile upon all the work (be it the littlest of contribution to an organization) that i've done so far. My grades have never been higher than a 'High Average'. Curse my lack of competitiveness for it. A lot of times I've learned from doing what was not supposed to be done. Yet, I've never run into a rabbit hole when a contemporary or junior challenged or wanted to know more from me. And as embarassing as they are, I've never been too ashamed of my bloopers either. Its a subjective take but I've treated achievement as when i'm moved or changed by it far more than resting on appreciation or external reward. But for the sake of my CV, distinction in college is still a dream away.

Identity:- This is perhaps the most fucked up part and shall never so much as come to being very resolved. Its very hard to put it in words but I don't really think I have a sense of absolute belonging anywhere. Being raised in a multi-cultural mainstream definitely has had its disadvantages. You may be able to adapt to many environments, however, do not fit in any. And the ironical thing is that it is a more sensitive matter with others than me. I could breeze through life the way I am but for a good couple of moronic idealists. Moreover culture, identity and community is always a sensitive issue with others more than the individual self. This will definitely have a huge bearing on who I eventually settle with. But more than anything, I just want someone I can come home to. Home being acceptance more than the pressure to conform.

Sociability:- I like to think of myself as friendly, that undeniably I'll always be. Not so much in degree but qualitatively I've "evolved" a lot on this front. And as bleak as it will sound, I still do believe for the better. For one, I've learned to rely on my own companionship a lot more. Its not just a matter of personal space but how I can fancy the idea of spending saturday night with cable and popcorn just as much as drunken stupor with friends. Of course technology has its own part to play here but to some extent even keeping that aside.

Then there is the selectivity of people I want to be with. I don't mean to put myself as an heiress who has to pick her entourage but there just increasingly are a lot of people I'd rather not waste my time with. On top of it, owing to a bitter experience, I'm (unconsciously) overcompensating in becoming socially and emotionally blunt. In the past, I would pursue before the blink of an eye whilst now I either have the two most assumed words for anyone or the benefit of doubt to someone one means something more. Sounds awfully crude but one has a lot to lose in a heartless world.

I'm still very open to variety of people and their traits but my tolerance for non-sense, merely hypocrisy and prejudice, has drastically decreased. There is a stark lack of initiative too, especially with newbies, as the offense to the ego at the event of rejection is insufferable. The status quo is sad as there is a permanence of loneliness because the self is not enough and the bird in hand might as well fly off to the bush any moment.

Relationships:- This is of course in multifold respects and not merely revelling in the obvious connotation. I don't know the kind of position I really take on here. Again, perhaps (over-indulging in the usage), honesty is almost everything to me. I do say 'almost', meaning courtesy/obligations can never really be sidestepped. But Britney Spears sang it for me when she said, "Baby, what you see is what you get". It is this transparency of emotions and thoughts that make me immature about relationships. Unfortunately (only for me, I suppose), mind games and psychological warfare happen just as much in interpersonal relations as is engaged in a luncheon or a political conference (which is said to be done out of necessity). I forgive easily and usually let go of my pride. I feel the need to breathe easy in my own lair as I'm so much on guard out there in the jungle. Needless to say, I have suffered; much more because of my own doing and of being this way and there are miles to go before I can sleep on this one.

Enlightenment:- I probably feel the most positive on this particular aspect of life. Enlightenment to me is all that I have come to learn, acquire and understand. And I can safely call myself one of the sharper knives in the shelf. I have a take on issues that is usually very unique and original. Wit and sarcasm are amongst the most fully bloomed. I would unabashedly credit myself with a lack of a wide gap between book and street smarts. More than anything, I have full confidence in the awareness of the usage of my know-how and skills, regardless of how wide. The only thing I'm cautioned about is putting my foot in my mouth, a tendency I'm gullible to. A lot more wisdom is necessary with a li'l intellect.

So this is how it feels to be 22. I'm sorry this wasn't the answer you were looking for?

Cheap commercials don't make for safer sex

This brand, not in my knowledge, had been around in the market long enough to gain enough recognition to finally launch a steamy ad on television. Despite their best efforts, the ad still lacked the cinematographic class akin to the (in)famous Kamasutra ad of long ago, which many marvelled for its sensual appeal and most condemned for making their sets fume.

Manforce. The very name repels me. And this is almost the last straw of my frustration with the depiction of 'safe sex' by the Indian media for the mass. I don't know why are people still scratching their heads over how and why there as many cases of rape and abuse in this country as no other? With an advertisement that gives him poetic license and contraceptive ads showing pregnancy as entirely a woman's headache, the Indian lay man is roaring to go at her. Its, anyway, ironical how a means of 'protection' can be tagged as 'force'.

The contraceptive ads are only more parochial than the fairness cream ones. Even for married couples, sex is deemed as "Kal raat, bhool ho gayi" (We made a mistake last night). There are some, including those low budget Doordarshan kinds, that are shot with more sensitivity especially suited to the Indian mass and without the judgmental hint.

Strangely, though, I haven't heard a single social cause raising its voice against the messages (overt and the covertly hypnotic) that these advertisements are sending out. I don't deny that many of these ads are only replicating what is said on ground by almost everyone. However, there should be a sense of corporate ethics to not encourage those views that they do to make their product more homely but to revolutionize on rotten myths. The Govt. should play a moral police here, where it actually requires to, by not giving such product labels and ad concepts the clean chit. The greatest of contentions I have is with the Indian media, with all their liberty and opinion, are less into sensitizing and more into sensationalizing.

Sex and/or sexuality is too pertinent an issue in this country to be hushed or taken for granted or worse, hoaxely depicted. Existent rates and vile incidents of abuse, population accomodation, an impending AIDS epidemic, gendered violence are not humanitarian issues anymore but emergencies of survival, both physical and psychological. Its a clear cut choice of restoring maladaptive traditions at the cost of restoring humanity.

"Because they are of the gays and you are in the entertainment business"

"So what are you here for?" asked the curious reporter.

"Uh....are you one of them?" enquired another, looking slightly unsure of what he just said.

28th June, 2009 was not just one of the days in the year that I had the most fun, but also the most touching. The experience, still is, better felt than described. I owe it to my spontaniety and spirit of attending the event and OCDness in committing to keep it. I was nothing less than an excited li'l school girl going for a princess themed birthday party. And in this excitement, told one and all about it and invited a whole lot. The cliche hostile reactions amused me to the core. I, anyway, have a devilish bone to give people a horror once in a while.

The turn out was large and vibrant. The media fest was a bit too overwhelming for my liking. What was pleasing was to see a woman sporting a placard reading, "Proud mother" and one really old, bent couple wearing the colorful badge and holding the flag. What was amusing was to see the reaction on the observing populace' faces, for whom it was a rare Indian tamasha. What was putting off were a couple of creeps, namely pick pockets, silent haters/snickerers, ball-scratcher and an acitivist imploring me not to smoke on the side. What was cute was to see some of the younger lot, looking all giddy and proud to be taking a potential risk.

Even amidst the gaiety and festivity (yeah, twas like the mother of all baraats!), the cynic in me wondered, are really most of these guys (see, I don't even take the guarantee of all) are here out of a fashionable trend or because they are entirely resolved to think 'all out' for the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual) community? Telling my stand, I dont believe I have an absolute position in this, atleast not even till now. I was there for the repeal of the IPC section code 377 (and carried a placard of that, i did) because I believe in basic human rights and fully feeling that one's sexual orientation is one's personal business and a chance occurence, be it relatively natural or influential. But I'm also realistic not to assume that the lot of social networking supporters, especially the naive 'cool' youth, fully comprehend their participation in something of a mass hysteria this could possibly be touted as. If this is simply a cause that the many 'rebels without a cause' have simply found, then it could fizzle out faster than it even caught on. Don't get me wrong, I'm the most up and about the progress of this cause. The verdict today is the first nail in the coffin.

The point that I'm getting to with this, perhaps, uninvited criticism for the moment is that the knowledge of sexuality, not just ideally but necessarily, should be the forerunner in this campaign for the 'acclaimed' sexual minority. Without it, it has only just an idealistic appeal to the young and restless, missing the essential support of the uncles and aunties, even as unbreakable as they are in their realism.

Until then, it will be 'Us, the normal heteros' and 'them, of the gay peoples'.

:)

P.S. For those of you who are comprehended my post and would like to support the cause for sexuality education alongside the grandiose of the greater acceptance of queerness in our society, please do so here - http://tarshi.net/programs/public_edu/open_letter_sexuality.asp