Friday, January 30, 2009

10 reasons why it sucks to be a Psychology Major

Its quite amusing...
the reaction that you get the instant you reveal that you have a major in Psychology or pursuing one. For most educated and uneducated dont have an effin' clue about the discourse even if they know everything about life. However, the ignorants dont irritate me as much as the ones who know or lets say the people in the field who claim to know it all. There's hardly a middle ground to find here, coz you're either in it and you think you know too much to the point you've lost touch with reality or you're a "dont know" and treat it as a mystic.
So in my effort to hop from one end to another of the scale, I bring "it" to you.

1) People think you can read their minds.
The reason why I think this is dumb is not only because people think that in interpreting behavior we can root out their mental operations, but why the heck would you want anyone to read your mind? Its like giving someone a peek into your underwear. You wouldn't ask an anatomist, "can you see my uterus?"

2) You are obliged to sound "politically correct".
Being sensitive is one game. Being stuck up, as you know, is a different ball game. So a Psychology major is supposedly a walking dictionary of the Queen's English of some sorts, correcting each insolent along his way. Words like retard, psychotic, stupid, and evil are blacklisted. And 'black' would be racially insensitive for an African American, even if a retard locates the continent in the Bahamas.

3) People request that they be "analyzed".
Obviously, people with an inkling of an idea about a few disorders think it is as symptomatic as medical disorders. Thus, a rash around your groin caused by constant scratching may be a suspected "sexual sublimation" or a form of OCD.

4) "Expert's" advise on how to get richer, happier, successful or make friends.
Okay, I admit this comes from my very personal and justified bias of self-help books. But again, this is (as it is apparent here) to do with my contention with the experts in the field. *Knock knock* the most valuable lesson of Psychology is something called HUMILITY that you're an effin' nobody to tell people how they should live. Fuck the behaviorists who form the faculty in grooming schools!

5) People believe you're Maslow's favourite.
You cant be depressed, stressed, a failure or even hungry because you have the answers on the tip of your finger to every explainable (and beyond) phenonmenon in the galaxy. How, possibly, can you charge yourself by the hour?

6) Your subject matter affects your personal life.
You go down on your guy and ask, "Now how do you feel about that?" or make him feel special by saying, "You lie at the upper end of the normal distribution".

7) People freeload off you
You're invited to a party. You feel thrilled. Feel like you're the man. You arrive. Greeted by the host, who started five rounds before you. In his drunken stupor, he pours out all his sob stories without even pouring a peg for you. You give him the referrence for the double A's. His therapeutic gain at your egoistic loss.

8) You don't see your pets the same way anymore.
You wonder why Wolfy starts drooling at the ring of the doorbell? Is it because it is connected to the sound of your footsteps down the staircase, along with the smell of the cheap perfume you wear to impress your cheapskate boyfriend, who bought it off on credit from a street vendor five feet away from the butcher?

9) People show off, dropping cheesy Freudian lines.
Girl to girl: "I bought a couch today. I know so Freudian of me!"
Guy, with a boner, on a bar stool to the next girl, "Envy not, have it!"

10) World peace is a threat to your job prospects.
You'd rather fund Al-Qaeda to recruit more young terrorists and encourage young kids as altar boys than scouts.

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