Sunday, December 19, 2010

The challenges of being a straight 'feminist'

The title of this new set of rant and rambling is not to suggest that most or a lot of feminists are gay or as they are offensively called 'Dyke'. But I will, nonetheless, purport that being the two together can really challenge handicap your personal life & the chances of romance in it.

I believe the contemporary world is actually much more archaic than we are led to believe or would like to believe. And when I say archaic, I quite obviously refer to the pillars of patriarchy holding a firm control over everything that gets decided or in the way things are concluded. Hence, essentially we are the socialized products ergo victims of the 'archaic patriarchal' processes.

Let me clear here that feminism does not interpret itself to hating 'man'kind. In fact, feminism is a lot similar to anarchy which is all about sticking it up to 'the man'. Feminism is, simply put, about egalitarianism. However, because of the way we've been socialized ergo victimized, the idea of a man and a woman on an equal pedestal or their roles being flexible from what it used to be or as naturalists argue, "what it was designed to be in the first place', is just so insufferable to 'the system' i.e. of course the invention of man alone.

Get the picture? That most guys I talk this kind of shit to would just take on their heels and dash. Men only seem to want women who titillate them, live out their (highly socialized and misconstrued) fantasies and claim no more than what they are 'originally' entitled to. I don't know of too many men who'd like a counterpart that challenges them or forces them to think beyond the given. Maybe its coz men are privileged enough (as socialized) to be born in the gender and that the world is at their feet leaving them nothing more to strive for.

As strong headed I come off in these writings, I am actually a very chilled out person. I don't have too many demands especially not the petty ones like, "Why didn't you call me to say goodnight?". But I've realized men don't mind these kind of petty demands. They'll get you the chocolates, the teddy bears and you can enslave them to a world of material requests. But where it really counts (for women like myself) to assert or ask to be treated with respect, perhaps equality, they tend to take it personally i.e. on their masculinity a.k.a manhood. This only leaves you to be a....

"Sensitivity. Empathy. Acceptance. Hey, that's what your gay friends are for!"

I used to have similar kind of conversations with a guy I dated 
No, this is not a male bashing exercise. If you have any sense at all, you'd be able to tell that I'm trying to highlight the dysfunctions of a system too stagnantly long in place. Men are not emotionless creatures. A lot of male bashing happens on this perceived pretext, which is another product of the patriarchal menace. But what is true about men is the sense of great denial they live in for the longest time. Its like a bubble they don't want to burst or a safety blanket they don't want to slip out of. So if you throw words like subjugation, misogynist or chauvinist at them, they would confidently and earnestly deny the charges. No guy wants to be 'the bad guy' but I think they sincerely don't know how or when they are being just that.

"If you have so many complaints with men and since there are no good ones out there, why don't you give women a shot?" This is a question often thrown my way and honestly I think its pretty offensive. It purports women as second choices to men and perpetuates the stereotypical belief that women turn to women only out of their frustration and scars with/from men.
Also, do I really have to make such extreme choices in life? That I either have to settle for being the gilded bird or switch my orientation to feel loved, desired and appreciated?

Patriarchy is leaving this little faith in 'man'kind and giving so little credit to womenkind. Who the hell is profiting from this then?


  1. well :) um.. i just have a smile on my face, i don't really know why.. it's like a catch-22 for guys u know?.. either way, we're busted.. when u say feminism is essentially egalitarianism, that's actually a brand of feminism.. there is also the radical stance, as you know, one that demands power and supremacy.. anyway.. i like to think i am a feminist, in fact, that's almost an understatement since i think feminism is innate to anyone who can think relatively freely.. (By the way, no one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky (dylan)) um.. u know while we're questioning patriarchy,, we can actually go as far as to question gender itself then.. i mean the fact that ur a feminist is rooted in your social reality, u know what i mean?.. ur in some ways a product of society itself.. for there are people who claim that gender in itself is a social and cultural construction .. anyway, i guess u know better.. it's a long and probably an endless discussion.. chao :)

  2. I absolutely agree that gender is a social and cultural construct but I think the brand of feminism i ascribe to calls for a free play of this gender construct that is open to individual interpretations as per their innate comfort levels.

    Surely what is innate or influences is debatable but in my mind, egalitarian feminism calls for a mandatory practise and patriarchy, a progressively graduating expulsion.

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