Monday, October 3, 2011

The Introspective Sabatical

Okay, so I might just be too young to be taking one considering that I started working only just a year or so ago. It wasn't easy to let go, trust me. The nagging fear of seeming incompetent in today's day and age is much too much, which is precisely the reason why the world is spinning out of control. Taking time off JUST for yourself is usually either frowned upon as a selfish task or being clearly dysfunctional.

It has taken me a week to fully give my vote of confidence to this decision without any regrets and make peace (don't say I never practise my name!) with the losses left behind.

The moment when you're restrained off your duties, responsibilities and obligations to an entity, its only just a mental registration of that fact. Its a fact that you assimilate with all other kinds, related or unrelated, on a daily basis. But it takes a lot more physical and psychological, if not spiritual, detoxification from a habit, routine, role and most crucially, an identity. I'm beginning to appreciate the many twists and turns life took in the past couple of months and although they were filled with much testing, agony and led to some loss of faith, I'm glad for how they turned out. It might just be too early to say 'amen' but in a pattern it restored some faith to how the good old always say, "It will all turn out okay".

In my time "off", I have a list of things that'll keep me from being idle, hence, not giving the devil any time or space for the workshops, too many of which I've attended.

~ I will continue to write on all the platforms I'm afforded and will plunge myself into newer angles, vision and post reflective assessments which certainly will not limit itself to social development or existential crisis.

~ Learning my way around the kitchen is very high on my pursuit this month.

~ Getting help for all the excess baggage (a lot which I'm aware of & a lot more that is elusive) that has been slowly eating at me and is responsible for a lot of misgivings and misbehaviour, even.

~ Getting back to print! Got a scanty list of books lying about collecting dust but also reading literature that online publications can never really replace (so far in my imagination).

~ Goa. You know the rest :)

~   Dancing. Improving technique, clarity and letting myself get lost in the beats and the music.

~ I'm putting swimming and running here as well although they will follow my dominant interests of continuing to watch the tons of movies I do and occasionally cutting myself some slack as a couch potato.

~ Most importantly, re-assessing my near future goals and priorities in life. To mentally prepare myself for the big move that I now need more than I desire and to understand in which order is work fulfilling for me and what I am gunning for - Money, fame, recognition, identity, experience, filling a void and/or whatever else one adds after the dots.

To October!

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